Here we have Darkseid summing up my feelings for event/crossover comics. Thanks, Darkseid.

I read House of M many moons ago, which I liked, but after this I gave up an issue into Marvel’s ‘Civil War’ series. Which was probably a good thing because Marvel proceeded to undo most of the series a week or two later using magic or the Force.

Since then I’ve avoided all these big events. Recently though, I have finally been reading Grant Morrison’s Batman run. So far it’s been good. As well as mad. But that’s Grant Morrison for you, I suppose. Then I got to the event/crossover, Final Crisis.

Morrison famously killed off Batman during his run. Twice. Kind of.

In the Batman books, Batman apparently gets blown up. I suppose that you can take this as being his apparent death and continue with the Bat books none the wiser. But really, Batman didn’t die in the explosion. He went to hang out in the Justice League’s space station so he could take part in Morrison’s Final Crisis.

I’ve been reading comics for a while, which came in handy for Final Crisis, as no background is given to any of the characters. Of which there are many. Several of whom have possessed other bodies and, as a result, go by several names without explanation. This is before we get to time-travelling bullets and super-powered whistles. In fact, it made so little sense that I googled the plot to check things. Apparently, there was a virus that removed superpowers. Must have missed that with all the tiger men fights…

Anyway… So Batman gets captured early in Final Crisis. To learn what happens during his capture we have to go back to the Batman books (this story is collected in Batman RIP, all of which is set before Final Crisis, which means, at the time, this made no sense). Then back to Final Crisis. In which Batman has escaped. I have to buy another Bat book to find out how. Batman has the time-travelling bullet. Much like Batman’s escape this is the another Batman book. Apparently, in Final Crisis we don’t need to know how Batman gets from A to B with his McGuffin gun. So Batman shoots Darkseid with the magic time bullet while Darkseid shoots Batman with magic time eye lasers which sends Batman back through time, but not his own body – that’s been burned to a crispy skeleton. (Didn’t this same thing happen to Captain America?)

It also appears that DC can’t have Batman kill anyone so Darkseid survives, kind of diluting Batman’s sacrifice. A couple of Flashes do something that results in Darkseid being zapped by more eye lasers, so it’s okay, Batman’s not a killer. At this point, it also appears that the Flashes send the time bullet back in time. Meaning the magic time bullet that kills someone at the start and sets up all this madness appears to have got there by accident, murdering a man in the process? Maybe. Oh wait, Darkseid is still alive as some sort of force ghost at the end of time, but it’s okay, Superman will take a break from fighting a vampire space God and whistle him to death. Really. Goodness.

This madness is why I avoid crossovers.

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